Z?
by Swing-21
Summary: Choices… When love confronts duty, when you can’t do right without causing wrong, how do you know what is for the best? Sleep on that and wait for the answers. Oneshot, multiple pairings, generally weird, Z?ADR.


**Z?**

_By Swing-21_

_Summary : Choices… When love confronts duty, when you can't do right without causing wrong, how do you know what is for the best? Sleep on that and wait for the answers. One-shot, multiple pairings, generally weird, Z?ADR._

_Rating : M_

_Warnings : Het, Slash, Xeno, Murder, all fun and games. Z?ADR, but not what you're used to read from me… You'll see ;)_

_Disclaimer : Invader Zim and the infamous "Z?" (read "Question Sleep") are property of Jhonen Vasquez. I'm borrowing his stuff and twisting it to do my own bidding._

_Author's Note : Weird, complex, may seem totally wrong, but just trust me, I know where I'm going with this. Don't let the "Ew" factor stop you from reading the entirety of this ficlet, please. Please note that this isn't placed in chronological order, I was aiming for more of a "Pulp fiction" effect, to please my girlfriend and to screw with your sorry minds, niarkniark!_

_I know, I still have to post some Kribliss goodness, but this got stuck in my head and just wouldn't let me sleep for two nights in a row. We'll be back to the scheduled programming tomorrow!_

_Edit: Thanks for the reviews, they made my day:D And a special thanks to microwaved noodles (god I LOVE your nickname) for pointing out the squid/slug mix-up XD I corrected a few typos here and there, correcting at 3 am is NEVER a good idea... _

* * *

Dib stared at the ceiling, unable to close his eyes. He had been tossing and turning for hours, but sleep still eluded him. Guilt kept nagging at him, eating him from the inside and making him want to throw up. The things he had done… The things he_ had_ to do… taken out of context, out of the pressure, sounded so… horribly selfish… 

'I can't believe I did that… ' he whispered to the darkness. 'I'm a monster…'

He heard the faint creaking of his room door being opened and held his breath. He knew exactly who it was, there wasn't anyone else but them in the house. His eyes, now adjusted to the darkness, saw a beautiful young woman, with short purple hair hiding a part of her face. She was wearing a light nightgown that hid barely anything. Her skin seemed to glow in the moonlight.

'What… what are you doing here?' asked Dib, suddenly sitting-up on his bed.

'My room is cold,' she whispered with an amused smirk. 'I came to steal your body warmth.'

Dib saw her advance with an almost predatory glimmer in her black eyes. He knew that look and knew better than to refuse anything. He moved aside to let her climb next to him and pull the sheets over them both. She gave him a languorous, possessive kiss and roamed her hands against his chest, scratching the sensitive skin.

'What… what are…' he started to whisper.

'Experimenting,' she answered with a grin. 'I've been wanting to do this for ages, Dib. Now stay silent and enjoy…'

They made love, that night, for the first time ever.

It left Dib sated, content and at peace with the world. Nothing had seemed so right before. He sighed blissfully, holding closer the beautiful creature now curling next to him.

The choices he had to make would still haunt him forever, but he knew that this was worth it all. The guilt would come back tomorrow to haunt his waking hours, but for the moment, he could ask sleep to bring him the answers he sought.

* * *

'Dib?' asked a feminine voice. 

The young man held his breath and shot a guilty look at the alien lying next to him. Shit, if he was found in this compromising position, he was totally screwed. He panicked and threw a white sheet over the green body, and put on his most nonchalant face, stepping in front of the table.

The lab door opened and stepped in Zita, furious eyes digging a hole trough Dib's head.

'What exactly are you doing here, Dib?' she asked in a warning tone.

'…Research…' he answered lamely.

'Yeah right,' she spat with distaste.

Dib looked sideways, flushing. Of course he'd been discovered, how did he even think he could get away with this was pure foolishness.

'Listen, Zi-' he started

'Don't!' she snapped. 'I don't want to hear whatever stupid excuse you prepared for this!'

She walked up to the lab table and pulled the sheet. An angry curse got past her lips when she discovered the alien lying there.

'You were about to open up ZIM!' she shrieked in outrage.

'I'm sorry, but see, I…'

'Silence!' she ordered. 'Don't you say another word, you filthy liar! You promised me! You promised Zim you wouldn't do it!'

Dib hung his head in shame. Yes, he had promised. The temptation of finally cutting open the alien and analyze his squeedly-spooch had been strong, though.

'I'm sorry,' he mumbled. 'It was stupid of me.'

'Yes, it was,' she growled. 'But you won't get another chance. It's time.'

Dib nodded, wrapped Zim's tiny lifeless body in the sheet and took it in his arms. He still couldn't believe how minuscule and light his former enemy was. Somehow, seeing him reduced to this brought a new wave of guilt.

'What are you brooding about?' asked Zita with a raised eyebrow.

'I was wondering… it this was for the best,' he admitted.

'Maybe, maybe not,' she shrugged. 'But it's done, now. And weren't you the one wanting to save the Earth?'

'…Yes… but at what price?'

She sighed, a little bit exasperated, and came closer to peer at the green face with a pensive look.

'You did this to save your people,' she repeated.

'…I did this to save you…' he whispered.

She lifted her eyes, and for a moment, Dib could see right trough them, straight to the soul. He was the one to lean forward and press a gentle kiss on her lips.

'What are you…' she started to say, without finding the words.

'Experimenting,' he admitted. 'I think I've always wanted to do that.'

She frowned, seemed to think about it, and took Dib's face in her hands to kiss him back. Between them, Zim's tiny body hung lifeless and lump.

* * *

'…You wanted to see me?' asked the girl, a worried frown on her face. 

'Yeah,' grumbled Dib. 'I… We need to talk.'

He motioned for her to follow him, and silently, they walked side by side in the park. They sat next to each other on an isolated bench, on the top of a small hill.

'Gretchen,' he started, 'this isn't going to work.'

'…I was expecting it would be something like that,' she answered in a monotone.

He lifted an eyebrow, but she wouldn't look at him.

'You haven't called me in days,' she said, staring at the grass. 'Yesterday was our six-months anniversary, and even though I'd been talking about it for weeks, you completely forgot. You know I had prepared a nice meal for us? But… you just never came, Dib. I waited for hours.'

Dib lowered his eyes to the ground, feeling ashamed of himself. He had been a jerk, he knew it. Gretchen was sweet and caring, she even prettied-up over the years, she loved him to pieces, and here he was, leading her on for months. It was time to put an end to this and to let her know that he would never be able to love her.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered sincerely. 'I shouldn't have waited for so long before…'

'I don't understand, Dib!' she sobbed, tears in her eyes. 'What didn't I do? What did I forget? Why…'

'Gretch, it's not you,' sighed Dib. 'It's me.'

'Everyone gets that when they're being dumped!' she wailed. 'Tell me the truth, Dib!'

He lifted his head and looked at her crying eyes. She really was pretty, he though. So why couldn't he…

'I tried to fall in love with you,' he said in a soft voice. 'I really tried. But… I can't.'

Now the tears came freely.

'But why?' she sobbed. 'I love you, Dib! With all my heart! Why can't you… Is it another?'

'…You could say that…' he mumbled, looking elsewhere.

In the park, the kids were running around screaming and laughing. He saw a small green puppy running with them, yelling in a high-pitched voice and waving his arms around. Its tiny owner, as green as the puppy, ran behind it yelling menaces at the top of his lungs.

Gretchen followed his gaze and let out a whimper.

'I get it,' she whispered. 'It's him, isn't it? It's always been him.'

Dib came back to her, bewildered.

'Huh? No, that's not it. I'm not gay and besides, he's an alien. I've been telling everyone for years. I'm not _that_ into the paranormal, Gretch.'

She sniffled and wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

'So… that's it?' she asked. 'Is this… over?'

'I'm afraid so,' he sighed. 'But, just so you know… I enjoyed being with you. You're nice, and pretty, and fun, and…'

'Just not enough?' she asked with a sad smile.

'…I'm sorry, Gretch.'

She stood up, kissed him on the cheek one last time and walked slowly downhill without looking back once.

Dib stayed on the bench, damning himself for being so thoughtless. He had wanted it to work with Gretchen, but all his efforts wouldn't change how he truly felt.

A moment later, Zim walked to the bench, a suspicious frown in his eyes. The alien hadn't changed a bit over all these years. He was still the same diminutive green egotistical little thing he'd been back in elementary Skool. He hadn't even grown an inch and personally resented Dib for the growth spurt the human had to go trough.

'Hey Zim,' greeted Dib with a tired smile.

'I see you were talking with the metal-mouth monster,' said the alien.

'I told you not to call her that,' said Dib, out of habit. 'Yeah, we… I…'

'Did you finally dump her?'

'What?' said Dib, his eyes popping open. 'How did you know?'

'Poor Dib-stink, unable to comprehend the amazingness of Zim's mind!' snickered the Invader. 'I knew it wouldn't work since you started _seeing_ this lowly stink-bag.'

'Be polite,' warned Dib. 'Gretchen still is an amazing girl. I'm just the one that's throwing away a relationship that had everything to make me happy.'

Zim seemed to think for a moment, then climbed on the bench, next to Dib. Unsatisfied with the height difference, he sat on the back rest so his head would match Dib's.

'So, tell Zim why you refused to continue a_ relationship_,' he said with a disgusted tone, 'that had everything to provide you with happiness.'

'I don't know,' sighed Dib. 'It's just…'

* * *

Dib entered the communication room, holding Zim's covered dead body. He found her next to the screen, arms crossed, staring at a blinking light. 

'It's been beeping for a moment, now,' she said. 'They're within calling range.'

'Alright, I'll open up communication,' he said, laying softly Zim's body on the alien looking chair and making sure the sheet covered it entirely. 'Do you have it?'

'Of course,' she said with a sneer. 'Here.'

He took the metallic contraption with no small sense of wonder. After a moment of reverence, he placed it next to the alien and turned back to the screen.

'You should hide,' he warned. 'I have no idea how they're gonna take it.'

She shrugged and walked further away. Dib plugged in his laptop, typed some coordinates and clicked on a little icon featuring E.T. holding a phone. The huge screen flickered to life, showing two disgruntled aliens glaring at him.

'We received your audience request, Earthanoid,' started Tallest Red. 'I hope for your sake that this is important.'

'Yeah, we have Tallest things to take care of!' added Purple.

'I've got some news for you,' said Dib with a victorious smile. 'I killed your Invader.'

There was a silence. Then both Tallest started laughing hysterically.

'Good one, human!' snickered Purple. 'But everyone know that Zim is un-killable! Irk knows we tried countless times before!'

'I doubt anything short of an organic sweep could end his miserable little life,' growled Red, back to reality. 'But seriously, what did you call us for?'

Dib frowned and walked back to the chair, revealing Zim's corpse. The Tallests gasped and exchanged a glance. Red looked suspicious, but Purple didn't seem to dare hope.

'How can we be sure this is not an elaborate ruse you and him prepared?' asked Red with a frown.

'Why would I want to fake his death?' asked Dib, incredulous. 'He's my worst enemy! I hate him!'

'Can you prove he's really dead?' wondered Purple.

Dib turned Zim around to show the huge hole in his back, the uniform covered in dried pink blood. The Tallest gasped in horror. Even for someone they despised, a death like that was too cruel.

Dib took the metallic contraption lying next to Zim's head. The Tallest stared at Zim's pak with something between horror and wonderment.

'Do you have ten minutes?' asked Dib with a malevolent smirk.

* * *

'ZIM! You bastard!' yelled Dib, pressing a hand against his bleeding cheek. 

'You asked for it, Dib-worm!' spat the Invader.

'You're gonna pay for this, alien-'

A buzzing sound suddenly came from Dib's pocket. The theme melody for Mysterious Mysteries resonated through the silent base.

'Huh, sorry Zim, gotta answer that…' he mumbled, digging in his trench coat pocket.

'AGAIN?!?' shrieked the alien. 'That's the third time SHE interrupts our fight tonight!'

'She's having family problems right now,' explained Dib with an exasperated sigh. 'I have to be there for her, I'm her boyfriend…'

The alien crossed his arms and pouted. Dib took a deep breath, put on his smile and opened his cell-phone.

'Yes, Gretchen?'

* * *

Dib stared at the ceiling, the room illuminated with the morning rays of the sun. He'd been awake for a moment, just happy to be there, next to the one he loved. 

A drowsy moan came from the purple-haired woman and black eyes blinked once, twice, in recognition. She smirked at him.

'I like waking up to mornings like that,' she said, her hand tracing foreign patterns on his chest.

'Yes, now that we're both alive and the world is safe,' smiled Dib.

'Nah,' she waved off. 'I'm talking about _this_,' she said, grabbing a handful of his morning wood.

Dib didn't mind the morning sex, nor the midday, afternoon, evening or night sex. He'd found an hungry one and wasn't complaining a bit. He'd never felt so happy before.

'Mmmh,' she sighed, basking in the afterglow. 'What are you thinking about?'

She was laying on top of him, alternating little bites and kisses on his neck. He smiled at her, not believing the luck he had.

'I had a dream last night,' he confessed.

'Oh,' she said with a hint of sarcasm. 'Did it bring you any _answers_?'

'Don't mock me,' he said, rolling his eyes. 'This is something I've been doing forever and it generally works.'

'I can't see how,' she scoffed. 'Answers don't come in _dreams_, Dib.'

'Maybe not answers… but it helps. It convinced me to go on with your idea and… to ask you something.'

'Oh?'

He placed a hand on her purple hair and played gently with it. He was still amazed on how much emotions could go trough these eyes and how he'd never get tired of staring inside them.

'…I love you,' he whispered.

'I know,' she smirked.

'Marry me.'

She stared a moment, then frowned.

'Why?'

'I want to wake up every morning like this.'

'Of course, the sex is good,' she smirked.

'I want to spend everyday with you.'

'Who wouldn't?'

'I want to be besides you until my dying day.'

She seemed to ponder for a moment, peered into his sincere eyes, lifted an eyebrow.

'Alright, I accept,' she simply said, laying her head on his chest and falling asleep again.

Dib held her close, unable to believe how happy he was at the moment.

* * *

Dib sat on the pink couch, pondering why Zim had invited him at his base. The alien had disappeared ten minutes ago, totally forbidding him from moving of the couch. Dib could feel the lasers pointed at him and the gentle humming of the computer just waiting to shoot him. 

Zim came back, a malicious grin on his features, hiding something behind his back.

'Whatever it is, the answer is no,' said Dib at once.

'Oh, you will change your mind after hearing of Zim's incredibly ingenious plan!'

Dib lifted a suspicious eyebrow.

'I found something that would solve both our problems,' smirked the alien.

The young man stood straighter, curiosity evident on his face.

Zim brought forward what he was hiding and placed it on Dib's lap. It was the Hi Skool's yearbook. Zim opened it at the student's pictures and smiled wickedly.

'Choose one,' he said.

* * *

'…and even though I do my best to listen, I can't suppress this nagging voice in my head that keeps shouting "_I don't care about your stupid cookie recipe!_" And honestly, she doesn't have one interesting subject to talk about! I have no idea how I could last six entire months without blowing my brains off!' 

Zim, sitting on the bench's backrest, smirked in amusement.

'I could have told you that from the start, Dib-worm.'

'Yeah, but I wouldn't have believed you,' sighed the human.

'So you say you were not satisfied with this "relationship",' he said, doing the quotation marks with his claws, 'because you were bored?'

'Yes! It was nice at first, having a girl like me and pay attention, you know? But after a time, I started to feel as if she was taking my time, time I could have spent on watching Mysterious Mysteries, hunting Bigfeet, devising new plans to thwart yours…'

'Heh, maybe you're secretly in luuuuuuuv with Zim,' mocked the alien.

'Don't flatter yourself,' snickered the young man. 'You're too annoying, tiny, green, male, and alien for my tastes. Antennas aren't really my thing.'

'Foolishness, Zim is a very eligible bachelor!' shouted the Invader, standing on the bench.

Dib smiled with amusement when he noted that even standing up, Zim still was smaller than him. He decided not to point out that fact.

'You know,' he said slowly, 'maybe you're right. Maybe I've always been a little bit in love with you.'

'Heh?' asked the alien, suddenly turning around.

'Gretchen, and all the other girls…They just don't compare to what we have,' shrugged Dib. 'None of them can provoke the same burning, the same obsession, the same drive… None of them can drive me totally insane like you do, Zim.'

Zim crossed his arms, thinking about that.

'Aaaaaaaaand…' trailed off the Invader, unsure about how to approach the subject. 'What are you going to do? Bring me flowers? Ask me on a date? Hire mariachis to sing for me?'

Dib laughed heartily, like he hadn't done for a long time.

'Don't dream of it, Zim,' he said after calming down. 'Like I said, I don't do guys. Even less when they're not of the same species.'

* * *

Dib put on his surgery mask, throwing a worried look at the young woman laying naked on the operation table.

'Zim, are you sure about this?' he asked.

'I thought you were done second-guessing yourself,' said the Invader with an exasperated tone.

'Is this really necessary?'

Zim lifted himself on his spider legs, on the other side of the table, and leaned towards Dib with an angry frown.

'This is not the time to turn around, Dib,' he said. 'We're in too deep now.'

'Couldn't there be another way?'

'Don't you GET IT?!? We have to be DONE before TOMORROW!' screeched the alien. 'There is no time to change plans or experimentation subject!'

'Alright, I get it,' said Dib. 'But I'm worried, have you done this before?'

'Of course!'

'…Oh whom?'

'A squid and a police officer,' waved off the alien.

'WHAT?!? Zim, are you kidding me? When you told me you knew how to proceed I thought you were an expert!'

'Silence, human!' spat the Invader. 'When Zim tells you he will succeed, do not doubt him! This is not the time or the place for a fight, so SHUT UP!'

Dib bit down an angry reply and lowered his eyes to the unconscious young woman between them.

'I just don't want anything bad happening,' he said.

'The operation will be a success,' scoffed the Invader. 'Now take the tool and start the procedure.'

Dib nodded and covered the young woman with a metallic-looking sheet that would protect the rest of her body. He stared at her closed eyes for a moment.

'I'm sorry, Zita…' he whispered.

* * *

The ten minutes were over, but the Tallest didn't seem to want to break the silence. They were staring at Zim's corpse in disbelief. Dib was getting impatient and could see the young woman further away motioning to him to say something. 

'So?' he asked lamely.

'I can't… believe this,' breathed Red.

'You know what this means?' whispered Purple.

They both exchanged a glance that was transformed into a grin.

'PARTY!' they both yelled, throwing their arms in the air.

Dib watched them starting to talk at the same time, organizing the biggest party the Irken Empire had known. He frowned a little bit, annoyed at their exuberance, and cleared his throat.

'Excuse me?' he said.

'Yes, yes, what?' asked annoyingly Purple.

'About the Earth…'

'Yeah, we won't touch it, don't worry about that,' answered Red with a vague wave of his hand. 'Thanks for killing Zim, your name will be recorded on Irk's History, your planet is now under Irken protection, yaddayaddayadda. Now see ya!'

And the connection went dead.

A victorious scream erupted in the house, and soon Dib got an armful of Zita, squealing in happiness.

'Victory!' she shouted, before kissing him square on the lips. 'Oh, delicious victory!'

Dib held her close, breathing her hair, relieved that everything was right once more. They were both alive, the Earth was safe, and he had this wonderful, beautiful person covering him in happy kisses.

It was almost enough to make him forget the guilt.

Almost.

* * *

'…But, my Tallest…' 

'ENOUGH, ZIM!' snapped Red trough the screen. 'This is the last straw!'

'The damaged you caused today is worse that anything you could have done before!' fumed Purple.

'…Even accidentally killing Tallests Miyuki and Spork?' wondered Zim out loud.

'You're NOT helping your case, Zim,' growled Red.

'You ERASED the Control Brain's MEMORY!' shrieked Purple. 'Centuries of data LOST FOREVER!'

'The Massive is totally unresponsive!' yelled Red. 'We just got the communication lines on working order so we could yell AT YOUR SORRY HEAD!'

'Just wait till we get back the engines, we're gonna fly over there and erase your filthy planet from existence!'

'What? But my Tallest…' started Zim.

'Don't think about escaping, even your ships are affected by your computer virus,' growled Red. 'We'll be here as soon as the sweeper canon gets repaired. You're going down, Zim.'

* * *

Dib watched her wiggle her fingers, stretching them, crossing them, all this with a concentrated expression on her face. 

'How is it going?'

'Hmpf,' she grunted. 'I can't seem to get used to this.'

'It'll take time, but you'll learn,' he reassured her.

She frowned and stared down at her naked body.

'This is weird,' she mumbled. 'Computer, get me a mirror!'

A metallic arm descended from the ceiling, holding a full-length mirror that it deposited in front of her. She watched her body, turned around, poked at her hips, her breasts, her nose, her ears with suspicion. Dib watched her thoughtfully, not daring to break the silence.

'You're staring,' she said, looking at him trough the mirror.

'…You're beautiful,' he admitted.

'Of course, that was the point of this operation, wasn't it?' she snorted, going back to poking her nose.

He let her at it and walked back to the operation table. On it was the silent body of his once sworn enemy, eyes closed forever. Next to it, on a side table, was the pak, connected to the main computer.

'How's the chip in your head?' he asked her.

'Perfect, I don't even feel it,' she said with an appreciative smile. 'Congratulations, you managed to do something right, for once.'

'And the data?'

'Everything is there, don't worry. The transfer went smooooothly.'

He nodded, reassured that at least one thing had gone right in all this. The operation had gone wrong at some point, they weren't able to save Zita after all. They knew the chances of her surviving this were very slim, humans were very weak creatures, after all, but still, Dib had hoped. After all, he had been the one to chose her, and for what? For a silly crush back in Hi Skool…

'Everyone's going to wonder what you did to be dating the hottest girl in the city,' she smirked, playing with her purple hair.

Yes, the hottest girl… and that had been her downfall, wasn't it?

"_Choose one," _had said Zim_. "The one that pleases you the most."_

"_Why?" _he had asked

"_To save your filthy planet, of course! If the Tallest want me dead, the only way to avoid an organic sweep is to present them with proof of my death. But Zim doesn't want to die!"_

"_And why… would you ask me to chose one of my ex-classmates?"_

"_Zim wants another body," _explained the Invader_. "Then you'll be able to show this one to the Tallest, without the need of killing me."_

"_You want to transfer your mind into another body?!?"_

"_It's all a bunch of data," _explained evasively the alien_. "It can easily be done with a computer chip."_

"_This is dangerous," _realized Dib

"_Of course. But no more that staying here like sitting penguins, waiting for the first sweeper canon to be fired. This is for your planet, Dib-thing. So chose your favorite."_

Dib had looked at him strangely at that moment.

"…_Why would you ask _me_ to choose my _favorite_?"_

"_What were your reasons again?_" had asked the alien with a smirk. "_Too green, too small, too male, too alien? We can get around that…_"

Dib looked at the young woman standing in front of the mirror, still trying to figure out how the humans managed to control so many fingers at once.

'Zim?' he asked in a lost voice. 'Do you think we did the right thing?'

She looked at him trough the mirror. The face was different, but the look was the same. He could almost imagine the crimson orbs and the antennas moving on their own accord.

'Zim is alive, even if he's now a she,' grumbled the alien. 'For the rest, we will know after contacting the Tallest.'

'You'll have to get dressed first,' said Dib with a raised eyebrow. 'Your new body is… whoa.'

Zim turned around, smirking at Dib's hungry stare. The alien walked by him and entered the elevator, sending a warning glare his way.

'I'm going to fetch something to wear. Promise you won't open up Zim's squeedly-spooch.'

'But Zim, it's not like you need it anymore…'

'Promise!'

'Alright, geez, I promise,' mumbled Dib.

He watched her disappear, wondering how the alien could sound so much like himself with Zita's voice. He was still amazed at how the girl's beautiful features could form Zim's usual expressions. He had no trouble adapting to this change of looks.

It was still the same old Zim, after all. And hadn't he admitted he'd always been a little bit in love with the alien?

* * *

...End.

* * *

AN: I told you to trust me! I mean, did you really believe one second I had written some other pairing that ZADR? And worse, a _het_ pairing? Come on, have some faith ;) 

For the title, the Z? is in honor of the Z in ZADR. I hope I had you wondering if it was Zim or Zita at some point. I wanted to try something with a totally straight Dib, and see how I could work around that. It was fun!

Now go re-read this, I know you're dying to, now that you understand what was going on ;)

As for me, I'll finally go to sleep tonight, and tomorrow after work I'll correct/post chapter 10 of the Human Kribliss. Good night and happy new planetary revolution around your booby-trapped sun!


End file.
